Mum guilt, I think it’s something every mother in the country experiences. Before I had Thomas I used to think my friends with kids were silly for feeling guilty, why would you feel guilty for doing something for yourself? Now that I am a mum I fully understand.
You go out shopping and buy yourself an outfit and suddenly you feel guilty because you’re not buying for the children. You’re out with a bunch of friends for cocktails and you feel guilty because you’re not with your child/children. You go away for the weekend with your partner, childfree, and you feel guilty because they are not with you. You feel guilty because you’ve got a really important work meeting that you cannot get out of but it means you miss your child’s first sports day. Guilty because you’ve not done much with your kids that day. You feel guilty because you’re ill so you send kids to their grandparents for the day. The list is endless. I’m sat here writing this blog post and I feel guilty because I’m not giving Thomas all of my attention. He is sat next to me playing with his playdoh and is more than happy, that doesn’t stop the feeling though.
There is nothing worse than having that guilty feeling, scrolling through Instagram or any social media platform to see everyone else winning at motherhood. What you’ve got to remember is 9 times out of 10 people online only show the good times.
Let me tell you now, it is OK to go and buy yourself new clothes, it is absolutely fine that you go out with your friends for cocktails, self-care is important, new clothes make you feel good and a night out does too. Although you might get a bit of a hangover the next day (I’m not taking responsibility for that one!) Alone time with your partner is so so important, do not feel guilty for doing this! Some days it’s ok to not leave the house, it’s okay that you have a pj day watching films, eating sweets and snuggling on the sofa.
Nobody is a perfect parent, what your child needs most is your loving attention, a sense of security and time to play and explore and doesn’t necessarily require the newest toys or schedule of activities. Look after yourself. Caring for yourself as an adult – for example by working, seeing friends or pursuing sports or interests whilst your child is well looked after by family, friends or in trusted child care – can recharge your batteries and make you a calmer and patient parent.
Please do not feel guilty for doing something for you, it’s ok to enjoy yourself!
Thanks for reading,